When you have had enough lessons

 There comes a day in your life when you realise that you’ve had enough lessons in love. 

I mean lessons that took you from one person to another and brought you lots of heartache and disappointment. 

Maybe it wasn’t all in vein. 

Maybe you were being prepared. 

I’ve come across many TikTok’s and Instagram reels where people are really giving up on dating. They have so much to offer but they keep on meeting people who aren’t there to stay. Someone wrote “why am I always the girl before they meet the one” or “why do I always meet people who aren’t ready yet”. I know it sucks. I was both on my journey. It can actually make you feel bitter and your heart might harden a little. 

But think bigger. 

You will get over it. And it will eventually make you realise that maybe you’ve been paying attention to the wrong things. Realising this will make you question your own choices moving forwards. 

Yes you will still have a type or certain features you’re looking for in a partner, but you’ll add few more important things to look out for. 

One. Can they communicate when there is conflict. Or do you go crazy with anxiety waiting for an answer for a week… ? This itself is huge. If someone can go to sleep knowing you’re upset, that tells you a lot about them. Your true love would never make you go to bed upset, would they? 

Two. Do you know where you stand with them? Or are you confused as fck and loose sleep trying to figure, or even ask in a gentle way because you don’t want to be too much? Your true love wouldn’t make you feel confused, you’d know exactly where your place is and it wouldn’t be second best, never. Men know if you’re the one or just an option.

Three. Listen to your body. It tells you a lot. With the right person you should feel more relaxed and glowing, not stressed out. Your gut feeling will reveal what your mind can’t

Of course you can add more to the list and make it your non negotiable. That’s just a few examples that will help you identify the person that’s healthy for you. 

In some cases this isn’t that straight forward, and it’s ok to give this connection a benefit of a doubt, but always trust yourself and what you’re feeling deep inside. 

Once you’ve had enough lessons you won’t be quick to jump into anything anymore. And maybe that’s better. 

I feel people show you their true selves over time. 

So give it time. Don’t rush. 

Let it brew and become clear that the person you’re with isn’t stringing you along and is genuinely with you because you matter and they truly love you for who you are. You don’t need another heartache, another lesson, another almost love. You’ve had enough lessons, now make use of them and use your discernment. 

Love, A x